FAQ - Birth moms
In the years I have been doing adoptions, I have had the opportunity to meet many birth mothers. While no two were the same, there were some similarities. What they were not where the preconceived notions are of what a woman who places a baby for adoption would be. What they all were, where women who found themselves in a difficult situation with limited options. That is a position many of us have been in at one time or another.
What follows are some commonly asked questions by birth mothers, whether they were 18 or 38.
Do I have to live in Kansas for you to help me?
No. I help women from all over the United States. There are a few hundred adoption attorneys across the US who focus their practices on adoption as I do, and I trust them to be able to help you according to the laws of your own state. Even though you are not in Kansas, I can present prospective adoptive families from all over the United States for you to review and decide whether one of them would be a good fit with your preferences for an adoptive family for your baby.
Will I have to have a criminal background check before I can give up my baby for adoption?
No. There is a lot of information that I will get from you, but your criminal background is not one of them. On the other side, though, each family I work with has been rigorously checked out and has undergone criminal background checks at the national and state levels, as well as checks regarding child/elder abuse, sexual abuse, etc.
I already have as many children as I can take care of. Will you help me?
Yes. Because you have to think of the children that you are currently caring for and what you can do yourself, I will help you put together an adoption plan for the baby that you are now carrying. A large number of the women that I have helped over the years have had one or more children in the home at the time they placed a baby for adoption.
I have put up a baby for adoption before, but I am pregnant again. What do I do?
Call me. No judgment here. I am more than happy to help you again. In fact, many times, the family that adopted your previous child will be open to adopting the sibling. If you would prefer not to have that family adopt again, that decision is yours.
I have had another child taken away from me by DCF. Can I place this baby for adoption?
Yes. DCF will not get involved with you during this pregnancy if they know that you are working with a licensed professional and have an adoption plan. They do not need to know the details of your adoption plan. I will only share that with the hospital social worker where you will be delivering.
If I place this baby for adoption, I hear DCF will try to take my other children away. Is that true?
No. Even if you are currently involved with DCF, so long as you are working with a licensed professional and have an adoption plan, DCF will not be involved with this baby.
I have no money, but my friend said that I could get some if I put my baby up for adoption. Is that true?
Not exactly. The law allows the adoptive couple to pay for "reasonable expenses of and related to the pregnancy." What does that mean? It means that you can receive financial help for things like rent, food, clothing, utilities, and medical expenses, for instance. You will also receive what is called 'post-birth' living expenses which are roughly equal to what you would be entitled to when off for maternity leave.
I am homeless. Can you help me?
Yes. I can provide you with assistance in finding a place to stay and give help with paying the rent and getting you set up in your new place.
My baby is due soon, and I have not had any prenatal care. Can I still make an adoption plan?
Yes. I will help you get set up with Medicaid and get you to a doctor right away. Some prenatal care is better than none, and you can believe that even on short notice, you will have a safe and secure adoption plan that you can rely on. I work with many adoptive couples who are just waiting on the phone call to make themselves available for you and your baby.
Do I have to tell you who the father of the baby is?
Believe it or not, even though you may not think so, it is easier in the long run if I know who he is than if I don’t. Whether I know who he is or not, I am required by Kansas Adoption Law to give him notice of your intent to place the baby for adoption. Even if he says no, unless he has done what is required of him by law, a court can find that his consent to the adoption is not necessary.
How do you check out the adopting parents so that I know my baby will be safe and well cared for?
Every family must go through very strict screening, and a report is written by a person trained to make such reports. These reports are called Home Studies and are written by a licensed social worker. The social worker will visit them at their home at least twice, interview everyone that is living in the household, get documentation of their financial stability, their health status, and conduct criminal background and abuse registry checks. I do not work with any couples who have not gone through the home study process.
After the baby is born, can I spend time with the baby while I am in the hospital, or Do I have to see the baby after it is born?
You make that call; it is entirely up to you. Kansas Adoption Laws do not allow you to sign over your parental rights or consent to an adoption before the baby is born, so you have total control. If you would like to have the baby stay with you in your hospital room until your discharge, we will write that into your adoption plan. If you do not want to see the baby after it is delivered, that can be put in your adoption plan as well.
What is an open adoption?
An open adoption is one where the adoptive family and the birth mother know one another and have contact before the baby is born, and that contact continues afterward. Like many other aspects of adoption, I will ask you what your preferences are and then provide you with adoption profiles for adoptive couples who are like-minded.
If you think that adoption is the right thing for you and your baby, the team of other adoption professionals that I work with and I am happy to answer any and all of the questions that you have about adoption and explain the process without pressure or judgment.
My contact information is below. I will answer your questions and provide you with answers to all of your questions without there ever being any cost or obligation on your part. In other words, talking to me is FREE and does NOT mean you have to talk or text with me again. I can help you find an adoptive home for your baby, no matter where you live.
There are many families waiting to love your child and make them a part of their family. We have many carefully screened family options for you to look over from adoptive families all over the country. Whether married, single, Lesbian, or Gay, they cannot wait to welcome a baby into their homes. These families are happy to help out with living expenses to the fullest extent of the law.
You can call me at (785) 217-4603, text me at (785) 217-4603, email me at: lisa@theadoptiongroup.com, or send me a message on either Facebook or Instagram. The office phone is answered 24 hours a day, every single day. I try to respond to emails and text messages within minutes of receipt.
POSITIVE ADOPTION LANGUAGE DISCLAIMER: These blog posts are written using language people use when searching for help with their adoption plans. Unfortunately, while many of us understand what positive adoption language means, most expectant moms that come to me at first do not. Like it or not, the search term, "how do I give up my baby for adoption," is the most common. If I do not include those words in the blog posts and instead write "how do I create an adoption plan for my baby," my website will not show up in most expectant moms' search results in Google.
